In-laws: Here today, gone tomorrow, and probably back again the next day.

Of course I don't look busy...I work for the state.

If a job's worth doing, it's worth hiring someone competent to do it.

Do as I say, and I will shut up.

Never stick your hand in the mouth of a gift horse, unless you've seen what's in there.

The early bird gets the side of the bed by the alarm clock.

Beggars can't be rich men.

No matter where you go, there you are, but if not, call lost and found.

The more one knows, the less one says.

If you can keep your head while all around you are losing theirs, you belong to the correct political party.

The unexamined life is not worth examining.

Money is the root of all wealth.

If it isn't broke, you're not using it right.

Death is the great killer.

The road of excess leads to Weight Watchers.

He who is afraid to ask already knows what the answer will be.

Grin and break it.