"Good Evening, ladies and gentlemen" he said to the people in the auditorium. "I've been informed that I am to be your special guest this evening. In case there is anyone on our panel, in the studio audience or at home who doesn't know who I am, let me introduce myself. I have been known by many different titles in more languages than a historian could count in his lifetime. But after everything else is said and done, they all seem to translate into one simple word, so that's the word I might as well use. I am God."

The applause was loud and it continued for more than a minute until the figure finally began motioning for the audience to stop.

"Please, there are going to be a lot of questions for me to answer and we only have ninety minutes. In fact after the opening music and that round of applause we have only eighty six minutes. So let's get to the questions from our panel of reporters. I believe that Ms. Hastings is first up."

There was no doubt about it. On its one hundred fiftieth and final broadcast, "90 Minutes With ...", American Public Television's most celebrated series of specials was definitely going out with a bang.

Twenty-seven years earlier, the first presentation had been an unexpected hit. "Ninety Minutes with Mark Twain" had barely made it onto the A.P.T. Network's Spring lineup of specials only because a grant from the World Science Institute specified that five percent of the money had to be spent on a project which explored the educational potentials of virtual reality. The simulated News Conference, which featured a computer generated Samuel Clements fielding questions from a panel of three reporters, was produced on a shoestring budget. The network had not even advertised it to any great degree. But somehow, advance information had gotten onto the computer net and when the overnight ratings came in the special was in second place in the national standings. That summer the network announced that the new season would feature three more ninety minute interviews with well known historical and fictional characters.

"Why have you appeared to us in the form of a man?" was Gloria Hasting's first question.

"Would you have preferred a duck billed platypus?" he retorted.

After the laughter died down, he continued his response.

"Most of the religions in this world that speak of a single deity tend to use the male inflection. I suppose that I could have scored points with some specific organizations had I decided to show up as a woman, but I'm here tonight to entertain you and to enjoy myself. Not to make some sort of political statement. Next question."

"Why have you allowed so many different religious beliefs to come into existence?" was the query from professor Matthew Stark.

"I have, over the centuries, given you certain simple truths that you should believe in. That you should follow me. That you should love each other. That you should not covet the property of another. That you should not frivolously make war or senselessly kill each other. And a handful of other truths to go along with these. But in addition to giving you the truth I have also given you a free will and the right to make your own choices. So if you choose to walk away from my truths and follow false teachings, and insane or ambitious leaders, I am indeed saddened by your actions. But, I have promised myself that I will not constantly step in and straighten things out for you. I am God. I am not a puppet master. Next question."

"Did you create the world in six days?"

"Did I create the world in six days? Well let me put it to you this way. It's awfully hard to find a good sub-contractor when you're the only thing currently in existence."

After the laughter died down he asked for the next question.

"How do you feel about those who start wars and use your name to justify their actions?"

"There have been certain times during this planet's history when I have authorized my followers to make war against another tribe or nation. Those occasions have been few and far between, and they almost always occurred because the nation being attacked had totally lost touch with the basic truths of life and had descended into a state of total depravity. And even then I would always give those few righteous souls who might be inhabiting an unjust land the chance to escape before an attack was actually made. "The main problem, with the scenario I have just described, is that once God has given his blessing to a war that he feels is just, there will always be those overzealous fanatics & lunatics, as well as those who are just cheats and scoundrels, who will try to claim his divine guidance in a cause that is as foul as an unkept barn. Trust me my friends ... They will eventually reap what they have sown. If not in this world then most assuredly in the next."

"If you are indeed all powerful and all knowing then why don't you stop calamities, from happening?" came the question from the well known agnostic.

"Why did I know you were going to ask that?" was God's reply.

He waited a few moments for the laughter to die down and then he began a serious answer.

"I assume that you mean floods, earthquakes and things like that?" was God's query of the man.

"Correct" the man replied.

"As I stated earlier I am God, not a Puppet Master. It is true that I am omnipotent and all powerful. If I wished to snap my fingers and cause all human life within this building to be extinguished, I could do so right now, and taking such action would not even begin to tap into one ten millionth of my power. "It is also true that I am omniscient. But ... Please understand that being omniscient simply means that my consciousness understands any and all of the possible predicaments and outcomes. I am totally aware of everything that can happen but, because I do not wish to micro-manage the lives of every single being in existence, I must generally keep myself ignorant of what actually will happen. For when I, in my mind, know that something will happen then I have also fated that it must happen. From that point on there is no other force in this universe that can stop what I have set into motion. In my particular case ignorance is not simply bliss. It is an absolute necessity. I have given this planet a life of it's own. And as it churns and chugs along events may sometimes occur which have disastrous consequences. Some of you have often asked why I didn't create a more stable planet. Well, I did create a more stable one. In fact I created a multitude of them. The first one that comes to mind right now is Mars. Can anyone honestly tell me that they would rather live there? I thought not."

Instead of asking for the next question he looked a young woman directly in the face and told her "You're correct my dear girl. I won't answer your question about Buddha, Mohammed, and Jesus Christ."

Instead of being frighten by him she simply smiled and whispered "Thank you."

"You're welcome" he replied. "Next question."

During the following twenty-five seasons the specials had consistently provided entertainment, controversy and a platform for a great deal of debate concerning who should and shouldn't be invited as a guest speaker.

In it's seventh year the show had been vilified by human rights organizations when it was announced that the seasons fourth guest would be Adolph Hitler. Sponsors had felt pressure to pull out, A.P.T. was threatened with cuts in congressional funding, and the shows executive producer received thousands of envelopes containing hate mail and calling him a racist. The people involved with the show stuck to their guns and produced a fair and accurate debate between the Nazi Dictator and five well-known reporters and historians (one of them the grand daughter of Polish Jews).

What the viewers saw that night was a stunning presentation of political debate and ideological fanaticism. The members of the panel consistantly asked questions that most people would have considered unanswerable but Chancellor Hitler somehow managed to answer them in a manner which, in it's own twistedly logical way, made almost perfect sense. When the show was over, a large number of people finally understood how an entire nation could have been led down the path to war by this brilliant but insane man.

After that evening the integrity of the show was virtually unimpeachable. This did not mean that the criticism ended. It remained constant and at times reached an even more fevered pitch. But by consistently maintaining a high standard of integrity, and allowing the computer to interpret each character based on input from impartial sources, the show managed to stay miles above those who because of a certain political, social or religious agenda, sought to cause its demise.

The producers were also careful not to stretch the project too thin. Early on they decided to turn down the network's offer to do a weekly series, realizing that the amount of research and preparation needed to do this sort of thing properly made it necessary to limit the number of shows per year. Eventually the Network compromised on an agreement to accept five to seven specials per year, depending on the producer's ability to deliver.

And so the show plodded on, consistently delivering a delicate mixture of information and entertainment with, at times, a degree of satire and whimsy thrown in. Each special presented the production company the same set of problems in a slightly different way. How do you allow Merlin to do magic and make it look convincing? Can you properly present Captain Kirk without him having to look and sound like William Shatner? How do you present Franklin Roosevelt, who hated being seen in his wheelchair, to a society that now finds it offensive to hide a person's physical challenges? And, most importantly, how do you keep coming up with new and original guests to present to the public?

As preparations were being made for season twenty seven the producers and the network mutually decided that it was time to put the series to a respectable rest. The ratings were still consistently good but were a couple of points lower than they had been just prior to the start of season twenty three. The past year had been something close to a logistical nightmare as all involved scrambled to find seven "new faces' that would be interesting to a wide variety of people. Better to end things now on a high note instead of allowing the series to slowly devolve into a pale imitation of its former self.

The last show of season twenty six had been number 146 and everyone involved agreed that 150 would be a good place to end so it was decided that season twenty seven should contain four new shows and three repeats of classic episodes from the past. This would allow the production crew ample time to make each of the last four presentations a special effort. Then the brainstorming began on just who the last four guests would be and, although it was originally suggested as a joke, it was quickly decided that the final guest of the series had to be God. The general concensus of the team was "If we're going to sink this grand old battleship then we might as well go down with our guns blazing."

And so the research and preparation began ...

After easily answering what the questioner had obviously assumed would be a rather difficult query concerning the nature of the human soul, God took a moment to pour himself a glass of water and take a very deep drink. Then he smiled at the audience.

"Isn't this wonderful. Just stop and think about what's in this glass. It's just a simple combination of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom but it refreshes the body and tastes totally delicious. Wars have been fought because of what is in this glass. Frankly ... I amaze myself sometimes."

As the laughter was dying down He checked his watch and announced that there were only forty one minutes of time left. Then he asked for the next question.

"How do you feel about the way you've been treated by Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers?" was the query from the young woman he had pointed to.

"A very good question, my dear woman. I really liked Robert Heinline's 'Stranger in a Strange Land'. Especially because he managed to lock onto the frustration I've always felt concerning the abuses which occur in many organized religions."

The crowd applauded.

"I have no idea who L. Ron Hubbard was getting advise from during the last twenty five years of his life, but it certainly wasn't me."

The crowd laughed.

"I really enjoyed Ray Bradbury's 'Something Wicked This Way Comes'. His depiction of the struggle between good and evil, and the subtle forms of trickery which evil will employ, is right on the mark. And I would recommend to everyone that they read 'Pain God', which is a short story by Harlan Ellison that deals with the fact that it is the suffering of life which makes the pleasures worthwhile. I also wish to point out that nothing like Mr. Ellison's 'Pain God' has ever existed but it is a really neat idea."

God paused for a moment.

"And then there's Mr. Asimov. What can I say? He was good. Long winded but good. He never really believed in me but, for the most part, I felt that he treated me fairly and gave me the benefit of the doubt."

It was just under nine minutes and counting when a technician noticed a discrepancy in the power usage and ran to report it to the show's executive producer.

God gave very short answers to two more questions. Then he finished his second glass of water and began his closing statement.

"I just want to make it very clear to everyone: the members of the panel, the people in the audience and the folks who are watching at home that I have thoroughly enjoyed myself tonight. I also wish to apologize to everyone because I feel that I've been a bit off my usual stride this evening. I generally like to have a few hours to prepare before I meet with an audience but several of the main micro-circuits in your virtual reality generator burned out less than five seconds before this show was supposed to go on the air."

"The Holographic characters aren't supposed to know about the generator" said the executive producer.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you sir," replied the technician as he wiped the sweat from his brow.

The guest of honor winked at the executive producer and waved good bye to the panel and the audience. Then his image simply faded away.

Samuel T. Clemmons was born in Central Kentucky and currently resides in the city of Lexington. During the past few years he has won several awards for his story telling performances and comedy routines. The most notable are: Marc Twain: The Time Traveler; Python University; and The Adventures Of Little Red Riding Crop.