The sea ice shrank to 39 percent below its 1979-2000 mean volume, it said:
This reporter took the alarming news to a reliable source, Professor Penwose, for a reliable assumption of what is happening. The Professor was quick to respond.

“The unexpected melting of the polar ice can only be caused by one factor. Before I tell you what that factor is, I would like to first remind you of an ancient rule of science; A glass of ice will melt in direct proportion to the measure of alcohol added.”

The professor stated the theory was proven by himself many many times however for the purpose of authenticity he was more than happy to demonstrate it again. I was invited to join him and accepted his invitation in the manner of a well-mannered guest.

We were each given glasses of ice and took note of the diminishing aspects when alcohol was pored upon it, which was substantial. Nevertheless the beverage was most refreshing.

Getting back to the question at hand, Professor Penwose declared the only possible explanation for the recent rapid melting of the polar ice was Eskimos, (Who are in fact Indians), cannot handle their booze and are spilling drinks haphazardly which probably consist of Russian vodka.

I questioned the theory as possible but noting it would take tons of vodka to achieve such affects.

The professor was quick to state the recent influx of Canadian Beer, which would cause the Eskimos to pee a lot more.

That theory is sound!

Hinkly Out!